UGLY PEOPLE

By

Doug F*****

Everyone assumes Ugly People have more problems than Beautiful People. No one is ever surprised when an Ugly Person has troubles: it goes without saying. When a Beautiful Person has a problem, gets depressed or is unfairly treated, an entourage forms to lend help and support and to try to make the Beautiful Person feel better. You hear questions like, “Is there anything I can do to help?” and “Are you OK?” and you see expressions of great concern on the faces surrounding the Beautiful Person.
    When a Beautiful Person marries an Ugly Person, everyone assumes that the Ugly Person must be really smart and sensitive or else really great in bed, but most probably really smart and sensitive because the two never would have just would up in bed having sex together unless there were some other very unique quality about the Ugly Person to make the Beautiful Person love them. Nobody ever raises an eyebrow when two Beautiful People are together, or two Ugly People are together for that matter. Everyone knows deep down that Beautiful People belong together and that Ugly People deserve each other; this belief is as fundamental as life itself.
    Ugly People all wish they were beautiful, just like poor people wish they had money. Ugly People believe being beautiful would make them happy, just like poor people believe money would make them happy. Most poor people are ugly and most Beautiful People have plenty of money, or access to it. Most people would be surprised to find a poor, Beautiful Person - if they did see one they would assume that they were poor because drugs or alcohol had “brought them down”, and they would wonder why he or she didn't “just get back on his or her feet.” No one thinks those kinds of things about the destituted ugly; after all, the un-mighty have nowhere to fall.
    Beautiful People say things like, “I just want to be treated like everybody else,” or, “I am just a normal person, really.” When they say that kind of thing, what they mean is that even though they receive special privileges because they are beautiful, they would like to believe they have other redeeming qualities: that they are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. If an Ugly Person said, “I am really just like everybody else,” it would be meaningless; everyone already knew they were nothing special. They would be informed that they were arrogant, whereas the identical statement from a Beautiful Person would bring forth the appellation of humility.
    Ugly People build empires for Beautiful People to ruin. There are few stories of the love and wit of ugly scientists and engineers throughout history. Cleopatra, however, destroyed her nation for “love”, and she remains in popular consciousness a captivating heroine for having done so. I imagine few people know if Henry Kissinger is still among the living or not, whereas millions could tell you the day, nay the minute, that John Kennedy Jr. bit the dust, although John contributed little or nothing to the shape of our world.
    It is a pathetic fact that Ugly People pave the road for the beautiful as willingly as the beautiful come to tread upon it. Ugly People feel helpless in the face of beauty. Ugly People believe they are never good enough and that the only way they can climb up in life is to enable Beautiful People in their grandiosity. It is a never ending and self-perpetuating system. Most people make sure that Beautiful People understand that the world is a fair and just place. Most people believe that physical grace and beauty are the same thing as beauty of spirit. But that's just the way Ugly People are.

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